母が亡くなって29年。あの夏は冷夏だった。それなのに葬儀の日々だけは夏の暑さと陽射しが戻っていて、夏が暑いことを思い出させられたり、眩い陽射しを恨んでみたり、多くの人の出入りを鬱陶しくも思えたり。前日まで合宿で家を空けていて、危篤の最中に帰宅して、間に合ったのを母が待っていてくれたとは思えず、どこかで妙に冷めていた自分と、人の一生がこんなにも呆気なく終わりを告げることに空しさを覚えた自分とが混在していた。
夢蘭と名付けられたこの小さな花が咲き始めたのは昨年の8月11日。細い茎を伸ばしながら、蕾を付け続け、この1年の間、ずっと咲き続けている。52個目の花が咲いている。数年前に知人からいただいたこの花。こうして咲き続けているのをありがたく思う。咲き続けながらも、今季の茎がその傍らで少しずつ成長してきていて、昨年来の花と今年の花とが、もしかしたら共生するという景色をみられるかもしれない。命の連鎖。命日のせいか、ふとそんなことを思った。
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